Today was.. eventful. I met The Joker while walking down the street.
Just because he was over 5 foot taller than me, he thought he could intimidate and then, probably just because he’s weird, eat me. Anyway, I merely supplied him with beer, and he fell asleep, and Donna and I were able to escape.
Slight paradox today. Met myself. Again. In a space suit. Again. Anyway. It wasn’t exactly an important thing, and I did get a change to chat to myself, which was lovely. Donna was still sleeping in her minibed in the TARDIS, so Myself and I decided to have a toaster race:
Today I went rock climbing without Donna. She wouldn’t come because I wore my blue suit which, apparently, makes me look like a big blue stork. So Donna relaxed and did some internet shopping while I climbed up a big rock, for no reason whatsoever.
Following our lazy day, Donna and I decided to land today. We landed on a remote planet in the middle of the Crash Nebula, and the minute we stepped outside, I could tell Donna was scared.
We were surrounded by huge, green giants. They looked like human beings consumed by plants, almost like that episode of Goosebumps where the dad tries to get the kids to eat plant food so they all turn into plant people... Anyway, I digress.
Turns out, these plant people were rather lovely. Here's a photo of me with the leader:
Brilliant day today. Donna and I arrived on the planet Tallulally 28, land of the giant white cats, where we met my old friend, Steve, the big white persian, who took us for a ride.
I say he's a white cat, but as you can clearly see, he looks more like that white thing from the Never Ending Story, which, by the way, is a complete LIE as it so obviously ends at the end of the movie.
Anyway... So, we were introduced to Gary, the Fox, who was grumpy, and going around throwing his weight around until Donna discovered that he had a thorn in his paw, pulled it out, and he became nice and kind.
The moral of this story is, if someone is going around bullying people, 90% of the time, they will have a thorn in their foot.. check it out.
After this, we got into the TARDIS and landed somewhere completely different where we shot a commercial for Astrid Peth's perfume.
Donna and I landed on Earth, in Cardiff to be exact, to refuel. While we were on Earth, we decided to visit Wilf and Sylvia. While in Chiswick, I got a phone call from Martha Jones, and so we rushed to see her. By rushed, I mean gently strolled, but you get what I mean. Anyway, so we arrived at Martha's, and what did we find? The Master. :O
So, the Master decided that "this was a hold up" and I mocked him for a while, until he cried like a baby and handed over his laser screwdriver
Then me and Donna left the Master and Martha, who we later found out began dating afterwards, because Martha had fancied him when he was the old bloke.
Today, Donna and I landed in the world's biggest bakery, where they were making pies, and pasties and donuts, though not banana donuts, which was a shame, as they're lovely, though only two planets in the whole universe make them.. which reminds me... trip to see Ari tomorrow.. the MiniTARDIS freezer is low on Banana Donuts.
Anyway, Donna decided to help out in the kitchen by rolling the pasty, while I investigated and found rare, exotic spiders lurking below one of the counter tops.
Using my sonic screwdriver, I created sonic waves which hurt the spiders so much that they retreated back into their holes and hitched a ride with a batch of bread which would be making it's way to the airport.
Nothing much happened today really. Donna broke the TARDIS (yes she did, don't listen to her deny it.) by spilling tea all over it... Ok, so she just MADE the tea that happened to spill over it, but that's beside the point... Though Donna says that working by that logic, the TARDIS broke herself as she provided the water in the tea... Make your own minds up.
Anyway, we went to McDonald's again. Yay. Here's me with the menu
I had a poledancing lesson today. That is, a lesson about dancing around a pole. I'm a natural as you can see:
Anyway, enough about my brilliance.... Oh who am I kidding? Let's have more about how brilliant I am. Anyway, like I said, I was a natural, and Donna, feeling all insecure about how good I was, decided to pass on the chance of a lifetime of having a poledancing lesson from a real Pole. And by Pole, I don't mean a metal cylinder, I mean someone from Poland.
So today MiniDonna and I travelled the realms of Time and Space and ended up... at a market. Not like in Turn Left, which was overly dramatic and then everything ended up saying "Bad Wolf" which got me thinking that, well, earlier we must have been eating and drinking "bad wolf" and trying on "bad wolf" and it all gets confusing after that. It's like that shop we went into that said "Shop here with Confidence" so we wondered if we would be required to pay, what with shopping with confidence.... Erm.. anyway.
So we were travelling around the market, and Donna broke Rule One and wandered off, which meant I had to find her and, yeah, it was amusing.
Went to India, met Ghandi, stopped some ghostlike creatures from kidnapping people, prevented a black weed thing from taking over the world, and most importantly, refound my sun visor given to me by Ginger Spice
We didn't do much today. Donna complained about being tired after all that walking yesterday, so I, being nice, like I am, took pity on her and decided to take her somewhere relaxing.
After a bumpy landing, the TARDIS materialised somewhat smoothly in a nice little cafe in Northern Jacowitz which serves the biggest Donuts known to man, or Time Lord, or Nyklus alike.
Donna loved those Donuts, but I couldn't help thinking that today would be a perfect day for a visit with an old friend of mine.
We had a nice brisk walk towards the palace and home of my beloved Queen Ariella, who greeted us with open arms and a plate of banana donuts (which is one of the reasons she is the bestest queen in the whole of the universe). We had high tea and scones and left feeling jolly with promises of return visits sometime in the near future.
Stepping out of the TARDIS, I said to Donna "Don't forget that map I handed you earlier" yet what does she do? You got it. She forgot the map. So on we go, looking for this Fountain of Youth that my other self that I met yesterday told me about, without the map he gave me.
After 40 minutes walking, I turned and asked for the map, and Donna rummages through her bag, and pulls out what she thought was the map. It wasn't. It was a voucher to purchase Tampax Compact from Tesco with £1 off. A voucher that I might have accidentally enlarged with my accidentally enlarged Sonic Screwdriver last week.
Anyway, we wandered and wandered, and it grew dark rather early, so Donna and I watched the beautiful North Western lights and all was forgiven
Today I met someone I never thought I would have the pleasure of meeting
That person, was me. Yes, you read correctly. I met myself.
Donna and I returned to Earth because Donna decided she wanted a McDonalds, so I dropped her off outside, and decided to have a look around the town.
Boarding a train, which has become my new favourite means of travel, I met myself, in a space suit.
I had a rather good conversation with myself. It seemed I (the other me) was on a mission to save Donna from some particularly evil looking mutants who wanted her red hair for their immaculate collection of red hair museum.
Deciding it was best to let myself get on with it, I went back to McDonalds to meet Donna, and we travelled through Time and Space once more.
Though you don't know it, you all nearly died this afternoon. Let me tell you the story.
Donna and I arrived in an evil scientists lab around 2pm and were greeted by the sight of a hundred burettes and an evil scientist who Donna said looked a bit like a cross between Professor Weeto from a box of Weetos and the scientist who used to be on the advert for Fruit Pastille Body Parts.
Anyway, I digress. This evil scientist was planning on titrating NaOH with HCl, reversing the polarity, intergrating extra Chlorine and taking over the world.
I, brilliantly, stopped him, using my knowledge of Chemistry (Both Organic and Inorganic) and by doing an experiment of my very own
All the while, Donna made herself a few new friends
OK, so more trains today, but today it was fun. We travelled, me staring out of the window, Donna reading "The Constant Princess" and getting teary eyed at the death of Prince Arthur. I offered to take her to meet the real Prince Arthur. She declined, fearing she'd cry, or worse: change the course of history
That afternoon, I accidentally might have possibly enlarged my Sonic Screwdriver and made it as big, or maybe bigger, than myself.
I saved the day, of course, by working out, using a pen that I also accidentally might have possibly enlarged
Trains, planes and automobiles. Ok so we only travelled in ONE of these today, but it was fun.
Donna and I sat on the train, staring out of the window at all the random things we passed. It wasn't exactly an eventful day, but it was amusing. Donna grew lazy after a few hours and we hitched a ride in someone's bag.
Bus journey's aren't much fun, are they? I mean, sure, they get you from A to B but so does the TARDIS, and there is no denying that the TARDIS is fun. But yesterday, we had left the TARDIS in a safe place and so Donna and I were forced to take the bus.
Anyway, so Donna and I were sat on the bus, enjoying the scenery, the lovely sight of, well, traffic, though it was nothing compared to the queue at the only service station between here and Neptune which, yes, has a Starbucks, but there's a Starbucks everywhere and I love their hot chocolate, so I'm not complaining.
What was I saying? Oh yes. So we were on the bus, enjoying a journey which took exactly one hour, 21 minutes and 54 seconds to complete, when half way through, Donna fell through the giant seat into the world of underground dust, dirt and general muck. After this, she was picked up by a giant who tried to give her a clean, even though she didn't particularly need a clean.
Our next adventure came when we found a TV set which had to be at least 10 times the size of us. I thought we would be wise to climb it. Donna complained. Eventually, after much coaxing and promises of cups of tea, I got her to climb it, and 30 minutes later, we were standing on top of accomplishment.
It was here that we met a good friend of mine known as Rusty, the giant silver bird, who took Donna and I for a ride before returning us safely to the TARDIS.
Well, this morning, Donna and Myself were faced with the prospect of a 40 mile journey. I realise that to many of you that doesn’t sound like much of a journey, but you have to remember, we’re only 5 inches tall and our legs don’t reach very far. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact that we had a chauffer, we would still be walking, and this blog would not be up for another year.
Anyway, back to the point, right? After an hour long journey that would have taken us a year, Donna and I arrived in the lovely city of Sunderland in the North East of England. It was a typically cold English day, but you can’t really expect more from an English town, especially one in the North, or so Donna tells me.
After visiting the Pharmacy wing of the city’s university, Donna and I were shown the town by two members of the public who, very kindly, offered to carry us as walking would have taken us ages. There weren’t many interesting things to see, if I’m honest, but the trip was fun, though we did nearly cause a paradox when we entered a toystore and encountered a previous version of myself, as well as my current self when I first became what is now my current self. Oddly, I don’t actually remember meeting my future self, but I probably wouldn’t have known I was who I was as I had no TARDIS with me.
Back to the point. After a quick lunch at a chip shop where, sadly, they used polystyrene trays instead of newspaper, we decided to attend a lecture where we came face to face with acids and bases and amphiprotic solutions. Brilliant. Donna grew bored and restless but what else would you to expect. Plus she was rather hot as she constantly wears that coat (you know, the one she wore on the Planet of the Ood).
I’d better be off, but you can look forward to tomorrows post which will include details of the two hour bus journey home, and mountain climbing up the giant TV set.
Today, I will begin sharing with you the wondrous adventures of my life. Let’s face it. You can barely contain your excitement, right? Ha, thought so.
So anyway. I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey, the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm nine hundred and three years old, and I’m.. ooh, 5 inches high? Yup, you got it. Welcome to the adventures of MiniDoc.
Hmm, what's this then? You know, it's amazing the things you can pick up on the TARDIS computer screen. Just the other day, I was floating through the Time Vortex, near to the planet Kernick, which is usually inhabited by creatures which look like giant frogs. Honestly. Giant frogs. Saying that, they do make a good ice cream sundae. Although it lacks something. Possibly a banana. Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes, so there I was floating near Kernick, and the TARDIS computer screen picked up a Kernick version of MySpace. Well, I would have joined that, only you had to donate a bucket of flies for membership, and where was I going to get a bucket of flies? I suppose I could have gone to the plant Picollol, where they're over run with flies, but that would take a whole hour.
I.. don't really know what the point in that story was, but never mind. I'm the Doctor by the way.